For you to move on from a relationship no matter if you are boyfriend and girlfriend to if, you are a married couple you need to do. I have a few steps here for you to consider:
Give yourself time to mourn: Allocate some time to be honest with yourself and mourn what has gone wrong in your relationship. Don’t live in denial. This is not time to point the finger of blame, but a chance for you to lay the ashes to rest in your mind.
And this is the step of that is Recovering from a divorce or breakup is similar to the grieving process one experiences when a loved one dies. There are five stages in the process: shock and denial, anger, ambivalence, depression and recovery. Many people expect to work through the stages one after the other, but that isn’t usually how it happens. You can expect to move in and out of each phase over time and sometimes experience more than one phase at the same time. It is a difficult process and time consuming. Family counselors advise it may take as long as two years to fully recover.
Understanding the process and the types of feelings you might experience will help you allow yourself to fully grieve. It’s important to allow yourself the time you need to recover from the traumatic experience of ending a marriage so that you can move on to the next phase of your life. Family law attorneys can provide invaluable advice and support throughout the entire process.
Shock and Denial
When you finally make the decision to divorce or breakup with someone, or you finally believe your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend is serious about moving on, you may experience shock and denial. The enormity of what is happening may seem like more than you can bear. Considering the changes that will happen in your life may create feelings of anxiety and panic. A typical way to cope with the extreme emotions is to deny the reality of what is happening and to cling to familiar routines. There is comfort in the familiar and a sense of security. Denial allows you to protect yourself from the knowledge that life will change dramatically and the feelings of fear associated with that knowledge. What is important to remember is that denial is an effective coping mechanism as long as it does not last too long or create other problems in your life?
Feelings of anger characterize the next stage. You may feel angry with yourself, your spouse, your boyfriend/girlfriend, your parents, your job, and perhaps everyone else around you. It can become pervasive, but it is a necessary part of the process. Unless anger is acted out in a destructive way, it can be useful. Allow yourself the time you need to move through your anger. It will help you begin to let go and put emotional distance between you and your spouse. Eventually you will begin to think of yourself as one, rather than part of a couple. Until you do this, it will be difficult to focus on your own needs and begin to build a new life for yourself.
The third stage of ambivalence is what can make people break up and get back together. Ambivalence tends to be present during most of the grieving process for people who are suffering the end of a marriage. The divorce or breakup process takes people on an emotional rollercoaster ride – depressed, excited for a new life, angry, disappointed, and back again. Do not be surprised if you feel out of control and experience a great deal of uncertainty.
Depression is extremely difficult to experience but it is the part of the grieving process that will help you move beyond the past into your new life. Depression may be accompanied by a variety of emotions that seem unrelated to the divorce or the marriage. If you allow yourself to look at yourself, experience loneliness and confront your role in the relationship and the end of the relationship, you will be ready to let go and move on. You will quit blaming your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, lose the feelings of anger and ambivalence, your self- esteem will begin to grow and you will be ready for the final stage of recovery.
Once you reach the recovery stage, you are feeling better about yourself. Your self-esteem may still be shaky, but you are ready to build your new life. The first step is to rebuild your social network. You may maintain friends you shared with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend, but often those relationships were based on the shared interests of couples. It’s time to find new people whose company you enjoy and who have similar needs in terms of time and activities.
Keep in mind that recovery is part of the process and takes some time. Allow yourself this time on your own to explore new interests and to develop a social network before you enter another committed love relationship.
Eventually you will begin to feel like a single person and actually be comfortable as a single person. If you have paid attention and worked hard, you may arrive at a place where you are comfortable with being single. This is a time when you can get to know yourself and build a new identity as a single person, which will guide you in making healthier, more loving choices for yourself in the future.
Forgive: Uh-uh! Yes, this is very important. Although hatred can sometimes be used as a fuel to drive you on, but do, you really want that kind of fuel? You don’t need that junk in your system as you start over in your life. You want a new beginning. A fresh start with no baggage from your past. How do you this?
First, make a list of the people that you need to forgive starting with yourself. Yes, you need to forgive yourself for whatever you did to put you in this situation and promise yourself to move on from it. Then forgive your ex, their new partner, parents, children, friends and whoever else contributed to the situation or made it worse. Read out their names one by one and say aloud, ‘I forgive you.’
What does it mean to forgive, I hear you ask? To forgive simply means that you stop holding a grudge and release them from that ‘prison’ in your mind where you have held them; believe me, that space can be put to better use! Let them go. When you have done so, you will be able to, quite easily, walk past them in the street without ‘clenching’! What it doesn’t necessarily mean is that you invite them for dinner next week! Try it, you will feel much better for it.
Make concrete plans for your own life: This is a new beginning for you. Whether you planned it so or not, life has offered you a fresh start now. Don’t let any negativity take it over. You’ve heard the saying ‘when there is life, there is hope.’ Make it true for you by igniting your hope for the future. Get to know yourself anew. Who are you? You are a strong determined individual who has gone through something that is arguably one of the most devastating things in live and still standing tall – or at least standing! Reward yourself by going for your dreams full throttle. Learn how to use this experience for your greater good.